After immense soul searching, self analysis and self improvement programs to improve her emotional and spiritual self for a number of years, Katherine, now 32 years old, felt that she was finally ready for a new relationship. So she decide to join an online dating service and promptly met Steven, who seemed like he was good to be true. He was warm, intelligent, compassionate and also on a similar personal and spiritual growth path. Steven, who was 35, was also successful and available! Now Katherine’s past fears, that she would never meet someone again, suddenly turned into fear of being in a new relationship. Katherine had taught herself on how to take loving care of herself, when she was alone by herself or with close friends, but suddenly doing this with a man was another matter. Previously, she had never really actually learned to take care of herself in any of her past relationships, and she was worried that she would maybe let herself down again. Katherine needed some guidelines regarding actions that she could take for herself as she began to explore her new relationship with Steven, and she queried of what these loving actions may be. So listed here are some ‘loving-actions’ that you can take when first exploring a new relationship: 2. Make a firm decision and promise with yourself before getting together with another person, that you are willing to lose that person rather than losing yourself. Make sure you make a conscious decision NOT to make the other person’s needs, wants and feelings be more important than your own. 3. Stay firm on your own truth and beliefs. Do NOT let the other person talk or sway you away from what feels good and right for you. 4. Be willing to take full 100% accountability and responsibility for you behaving in a worthy, safe and powerful way. Also be willing to be who you are rather than trying to impress others. Make a conscious effort and decision with the firm integrity of who you really are. That is a lot more important than getting the other person’s approval. 5. Do NOT dismiss or disregard things (big or small) that you find that’s difficult, intolerable or unacceptable. If you find something that was unacceptable in a previous relationship, the chances are that those things are not going to get any better. Never convince yourself that, since there are so many good qualities about this person, you can overlook the other problems or get that person to change. This NEVER hardly works! Fears of rejection can be discovered and emerge early in any relationship. Most people are just terrified of doing something wrong and thus being rejected, as they make the other person responsible for their feelings of worth. The real fear of rejection can lead a person to give themselves up to the other person, surrendering oneself and being consumed or controlled by the other person. Then fears of loss will often surface quickly and people will find themselves to giving in to their efforts to protect themselves from their fears. If you allow fear to dictate you, you’ll likely end up in an unsatisfying relationship. The most important thing in a new relationship is: LET LOVE BE THE GUIDE, NOT FEAR. This requires that you need to learn about what’s most loving to YOU – what is your best quality – rather than trying to avoid not being controlled or rejected by the other person. 6. Keep asking your inner self and wisdom, “So what is the most loving action toward myself right now? What’s in my highest good right now?” If you keep asking this question to yourself, you’ll find your way through exploring that new relationship without losing yourself and without getting hurt by the other person. |
